On Being An Asexual Stereotype

While I waited for my tea to brew this morning I was thinking about the stereotypes surrounding asexuality, and how many apply to me. I don’t know what prompted the thought but I was interested to see exactly what stereotypes are out there and how many I fit. Doing a quick google search and looking at several different threads gave some common things that asexuals supposedly do, of which 10 are listed here, in no particular order.

Drink a lot of tea

I guess this also ties into the British stereotype, but I drink a heck of a lot of tea. A variety of types, not just black tea- there are 10 different types in my cupboard right now. That doesn’t mean that every asexual out there does the same- and many of my friends, both straight and LGBTQ+ also consume vast quantities of tea.

Love dragons

Who doesn’t love dragons? There must be a reason that dinosaurs and dragons are so popular in fiction, and I think that’s because giant lizards would be freaking cool. They’re one of the most iconic fantasy creatures along with unicorns, it seems a bit of a stretch to say that only asexual people love them. Also the ability to fly and breathe fire? Wow.

Watch Sherlock and Doctor Who

Guilty as charged. I haven’t watched Doctor Who for years so I can’t comment on why thats linked to an ace identity, but Sherlock? Do other people think we’re sociopaths and that’s why we enjoy the show? I think its far more reasonable to assume that asexuals relate to the side of the detective that shows little to no interest in relationships than the cold, logical side.

Generally nerdy

This ties in to the above stereotypes. Asexuals are seen as kids, or immature. It’s seen as a phase, something that will obviously disappear when a person grows up. I’m a nerd and proud, and it has nothing to do with my orientation.

Love pizza and cake

I think this originated from Tumblr, with a comment about how someone would prefer pizza/cake to sex. I’m a sucker for both, but so are most people I know. I guess thats how stereotypes work though, certain things stick to certain groups.

Spend a lot of time on the internet

I spend a lot of my time on the internet. This assumption is probably tied into the kind of comments that claim that peoples’ identities are fake because they found them on the internet. That they’re trying to be a special snowflake. Just because somebody found a word that describes themselves online doesn’t make it any less valid.


This is hurtful. Is this because sex is seen as a universal human need, and thus anyone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction is somehow less of a human? Asexuals aren’t monsters. We have feelings.

Have no emotions/are a robot

We’re not all Mr Spock. This is a conflation of sexual and romantic attraction, but it is perfectly possible to feel one without the other. Also, if a person doesn’t happen to feel romantic love it doesn’t make them a robot. There are plenty of other emotions out there. Emotions can be hard for anybody, regardless of gender or orientation. Most of my family have real problems expressing emotions, does that mean we’re all ace?

Are just a closeted gay

I don’t understand this one? Why would a closeted gay say they’re asexual? It could potentially relieve pressure from friends or family to find a partner, but other than that I don’t see much of  a benefit to claiming this label if it doesn’t fit you. It just feels like another way to claim that asexual people don’t exist to me.

Just haven’t had sex yet

And last but not least, this old chestnut. I’ve received the suggestion several times that once I find the right person I’ll change my mind. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Also asexual people can be sexually active, its about attraction, not action.


I fit 7/10 of these. On a quiz that would probably give me a result of Mostly Asexual.

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