Life Goals or Wife Goals?

My friend showed me a post on Tumblr once that said something along the lines of being a lesbian makes it hard to tell if you’re looking at a pretty girl thinking ‘life goals’ or ‘wife goals’. I’m having a similar thing recently and it’s throwing me completely off balance- I’m finding it increasingly hard to relate to the female form, I still admire it but not in the way that makes me aspire to look like the people I see. What’s also new is that I’ve started looking at masculine people a lot more, but I don’t know if what I’m feeling is aesthetic attraction or wanting to imitate their image.

I’ve been looking at myself in a more masculine way recently, so there’s this disconnect between how I’m feeling femme but wanting to look masc- how is that supposed to allow me to relate to anything? This binary gender and the stereotypes that engulf western culture is just smothering at the moment; I feel like I kind of fit into both sides, but not really into either. My mind and my body are trying to go in different directions and I’m being torn in half.

So recently I’m in this weird place of not having any idea whether I’m wanting to be friends with the guys I find attractive, or be them. It’s messing up my headspace. What if I just have this twisted idea of wanting to look like them because I’m some kind of imitator of what I admire? What if I’m actually cis but this is that little part of me that wants to be different for attention? What if I just want the privilege of being male?


2 thoughts on “Life Goals or Wife Goals?

  1. I wrote nearly the same sentiment one and a half years ago ( and it was my favourite post for the longest time. It helped me through the times I couldn’t stand being the nameless gender that I felt.
    My insight: one and a half years after writing that post, I feel like I”ll always come back to identifying with that and possibly feeling some dysphoria. But as time goes on and I realize that there are a) awesome people like you who feel the same way and b) that I vacillate between extreme dysphoria and extreme euphoria for being the awesome unique beast that I am, I wouldn’t trade my identity for anything. I’ve wanted to be extremely strong and have a strong male body like my boyfriend while strongly desiring him (without feeling “gay”), and I’ve felt “female” while not outwardly changing my appearance to reflect that (while feeling sort of “gay”-as if my boyfriend were the gay one, not me.) You might feel like that-like everyone else or someone else is the gay or different one, whereas totally accepting your deviant sexuality as normal. Because it IS normal for you, and for everyone. I remember how distraught and depressed I was upon discovering my demisexuality and bisexuality. And how my friends didn’t actually judge me for me. They just needed some framework to start to understand how important it is for people like us. Best of luck! 😀 I hope it makes you feel better because you just made my day by writing this post and I hope this post helps you like it helped me! PS my dream wife goals are always of people like me (le, life goals=wife goals.) Totally normal.


    1. Nice post, I see why it was one of your favourites!
      I’m so glad you have friends who don’t judge you for being you, I think that framework is really important in explaining your experiences to people who don’t share them.
      Life goals=wife goals is pretty accurate for me too, maybe its somehow linked to not being a binary gender, there’s that shared experience.


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